What Shall I Be When I Grow Up?

That, indeed, is my dilemna... thought i had it all figured out when i went to med school, added two letters to my name, then became a rheumatologist, along with a mom. But i can't practice medicine anymore - my back hurts too much to think about other people's pain objectively... And I don't WANT to anymore... i still haven't figured out all the reasons why, and rather than fight it, and wonder WHY i don't want to be a rheumatologist anymore, i've decided instead to start this new year by exploring what i do want to do, instead of staying stuck on what i don't... This, then is all about me. I believe it will help me to write as i go through this process, both for the practice of writing, as well as for the discipline. I have always wanted to write, and maybe writing can open up some career path, but mostly i am starting this blog for two reasons, the first for self-exploration, to figure out who i am and who and what i want to be, and the second to communicate with my friends and those I love. I have become a recluse in the past few years, and a terrible communicator... I can only thank God that i haven't alienated ALL my friends, because i haven't done right by them, and i would like to change this. That's the reason i'm writing this as a blog, because i want to reach out to my friends and family, and invite them back into my life, while thanking all of you who haven't given up on me... I'd like to believe i can still grow up to be someone i can love and admire, and i am inviting your comments, input, etc..

In 2009 i spent 7 months away from home, first in Miami, taking care of my older brother Klodi and my mom who both had major surgery and difficult post-op courses, and a month and a half in Maryland, helping my daughter Tatiana and her boyfriend Masai move into their new house in Takoma Park. Difficult and rewarding times, which i'm thankful i was able to be there for. I am now back in LA, trying to make sense of my life and find a new direction.

Along with writing this, i am going to be taking a pottery class (who knows, maybe i can be a potter?), and i'd like to take a watercolor class - haven't found one yet, but i'm looking. And today i get to see my younger brother Christian, who is in San Diego for a seminar. I can't remember the last time the two of us, who did everything including go to Swarthmore together, had more than a car ride's time to be together, just the two of us. I'm really looking forward to it, so i'm going to go pack and take the train to San Diego! I'll come back Sunday, and i hope to be writing some more between now and then.

It's fitting that a trip to reunite with Christian should mark the beginning of this journey... Happy trails to me, and to all who join me, Thanks and Love.